


Monochrome Projections

by ercique



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-29
Updated: 2016-04-29
Packaged: 2018-09-18 21:28:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9403598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ercique/pseuds/ercique
Summary: (He's dying. It's a beautiful word. Like the slow, long sigh of the cello Sunggyu is playing; dying. But the sound of it is the only beautiful thing about it.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is a repost from AFF. I'm sorry if you had to read this twice. I'm just generally sorry for this.

D-30  
He glances at the streaks of fire drowning in the vast zaffre sky. The sun has yet to make its full appearance. It’s cold, Woohyun thinks. He paces his steps quicker. The chilly mid-autumn wind blows rather calmly, carefully painting the grounds with the yellows (it’s an ugly mix really, of jonquil and copper) from the fallen leaves. Woohyun fixes his hair as he walks through the entrance of the hospital. It's still early, nurses and doctors are getting ready to change shifts, distant laughter and the scent of freshly grounded coffee beans dominate the air surrounding the hospital giving it a much brighter atmosphere than it had a few hours ago where only lonely creaks coming from stretchers carrying unlucky patients who come into the emergency room over the night could be heard.

Woohyun lets out a dry chuckle (it’s the same cycle everyday, Woohyun has long lost his purpose). He works at one of the largest hospital in Seoul, where the rooms are mainly occupied by patients with terminal illnesses, who can afford to pay a stack of money just to make the wards their home. From outside, a lovely hue of different colors from flowers of different types surrounds the green outside giving life to the dead white paint.

He glances at his watch and decides to grab his morning coffee before his shift starts. Sounds from the coffee brewing machine are so loud that he doesn't even realize there's another person standing next to him. The moment he turns around with a cup of freshly brewed coffee in his hand, Howon is there.

Howon is one of the nurses Woohyun actually gets along with, not that it's particularly hard to get along with the nurses (they're a community after all, one completes the other; something he’s been taught during his first year as an intern). The male nurse sends a small smile towards Woohyun, hand waving a friendly gesture.

"Rough night?" Woohyun asks, knowing that Howon is almost always on the night shift. Howon simply nods.

"Your face tells it all. Unless you're handsome like me, you should take better care of your skin." Woohyun fakes a serious expression before bursting out in laughter when Howon makes a gesture threatening to hit him. "Shut up, Nam. I'll consider buying you a mirror as a birthday present. Look forward to it." Howon says, lips somewhat curved upwards into a teasing smirk before waving Woohyun away as he turns his attention onto the coffee machine. "Rest well!" Woohyun yells over the loud sound before walking away.

It’s what Woohyun is best at doing, putting on a normal facade. Laying his life as low as possible (he’s dead, he thinks he can see his own heart in flames- killing him instead of filling him up with passion, he’s burnt out, lost, just another walking false).

He gently flips the white coat as he inserts one arm then the other, balancing between the coffee he has in his hands and the weight of the stethoscope he has in the pocket of his doctor’s coat. Woohyun was about to take a sip of his coffee before someone bumped into him and the cup he was holding spills the dark liquid right onto the white coat he had just put on. "I'm so sorry! It's my fault, I wasn't looking where I was going." Reckless hands frantically rubbing over Woohyun's coat as if they could make the stain vanish. "I'm really sorry-" Woohyun carefully removes the hands (what weird looking hands, Woohyun thinks they're beautiful) and looks up at the man. Plain white shirt loosely hanging over his frame, caramel bangs covering to just above his eyes (and eyes distant as they look, somehow captivating, Woohyun thinks), he’s smiling apologetically at Woohyun. Woohyun smiles back, "It's okay, don't worry about it. I have a clean one in my office." Woohyun purses his lips into a thin smile, bows and leaves for his office.

Finally beginning his shift after changing into a fresh coat, he grabs the patient's file given by one of the nurses, and head towards one of the rooms assembled with advanced screening and diagnosis machines. Woohyun knocks on the door once, being told that the patient is already waiting inside, before he pushes the door open.

It’s him, the man who spilled coffee onto him earlier; except now he's wearing a hospital gown. Woohyun brings the file he was holding up closer to read the name.

"Kim Sunggyu, huh? Well then, Sunggyu- _ssi_ , I'll be the doctor in charge of you."

Sunggyu's eyes widens for a moment before a faint blush creeps across his cheeks, remembering the little incident they had. The flushed look lasted only a second before it returned to, what Woohyun assumes, is his usual expression. Woohyun studies the other, he might think Sunggyu is cute (with the hospital gown that's a little too big for him), if it's not for the constant distant gaze. Sunggyu squints his eyes a little, trying to make out the letters stitched on Woohyun's coat. "Dr Nam?" Woohyun smiles, he nods. "Yes. Now, shall we start the procedure?" Sunggyu nods and they begin the diagnosis. After running all the tests, Sunggyu changes back into his own clothes as Woohyun scribbles something on his patient's file.

“Sunggyu- _ssi_.” Woohyun’s sudden call startles Sunggyu. “How are you feeling?" Sunggyu shrugs, "I'm feeling fine, I guess." Woohyun nods at Sunggyu's reply, "We'll hope it's nothing serious. The results will be out in a couple of days, and the hospital will call you to inform you about it. So, until then.." Woohyun smiles again and gives another polite bow as he heads to the door, stopping in front of Sunggyu to give a light squeeze on his shoulder before exiting the room.

D-26  
The test results came out a few days later and Woohyun feels the usual unsettling nerve eating away on his palm. He's never been good at revealing bad news to patients. He hates this part of his job. His hand falters its grip on the brown envelope as he hears a light knock on his door. He clears his throat. “Come in.” Sunggyu shows up alone, again this time. He steps in, sending a small nod and a smile to Woohyun as he takes a seat finally facing the doctor (and Woohyun hates to think that he sees a tiny glimpse of hope in Sunggyu's eyes). Woohyun clears his throat once more, his left hand never leaving the brown envelope. He then informs Sunggyu about the growing cancerous cells invading his body, explains how there has been a lot of cases like his, where patients show none of the major symptoms but ends up at the last stage of cancer.

"I'm so sorry, but I can no longer help you. You have two months at most, Sunggyu- _ssi_. That..is also uncertain but, make the best out of it." Woohyun sincerely apologizes.

His eyes couldn't focus on the patient anymore, he feels useless, worthless, not fit for his job (he wanted to save people, not tell them that they can't be saved right to their faces, the world they live in is sick- what he’s best at, it’s easy; blaming it all to the world).

Woohyun sighs, the air in the room, stale, unmoving. Sunggyu's face shows no sign of emotions. As if it's his job, Woohyun gets up from behind his desk and walks to the other side, crouching down next to Sunggyu who remains still in his seat. As if he's obliged to comfort Sunggyu, Woohyun places a hand on Sunggyu's shoulder, rubbing small circles with his thumb (his own heart clenches, but he hopes it's atleast comforting). Few seconds later however, Sunggyu swats the doctor’s hand away, a face too stoic. He gets up from his chair, mumbles a goodbye before he leaves the room. Woohyun hears a weird thud coming from his heart as the door slams shut, but he understands.

D-21  
The day Sunggyu decides to permanent his stay at the hospital, Woohyun visits him in his new room. Woohyun has always hated the smell of hospitals, of useless multi-colored medicines and used rubber gloves. He knocks on the door, having to wait a few seconds before it opens. Strangely soothing smell (of weirdly mixed vanilla and strawberry, with a dash of spring; and of Sunggyu) welcomes Woohyun as the door opens with Sunggyu coming into sight. Woohyun awkwardly says, "Hi." Sunggyu's eyes lit up one second before returning to the familiar gaze; distant, as Woohyun likes to describe it.

But Sunggyu smiles anyway.

"Hi doc. I'm actually glad I decided to stay here. The room isn't that bad." Sunggyu turns his head, once again scanning the room, as if trying to make himself believe his own words. Woohyun chuckles, "Do you really?" To Woohyun's surprise, Sunggyu nods. Earnestly, sincerely; that Woohyun thinks his heart hurts because of it (he doesn’t understand why, though). "Atleast there are people around, I don't want to die alone. What if I die in my apartment and no one realizes it even after weeks?" Sunggyu's eyes opens twice as big, his body shivering at his own thought. Then, he laughs.

Woohyun would've thought Sunggyu looked cute if they were talking about sunshine and daisies and weren't talking about death. Woohyun's eyes darts over to a huge black container placed at the side of the bed.

"Sunggyu- _ssi_ , is that a.." He pauses, afraid he'd get it wrong before he continues. His voice comes out a little softer this time, "..cello?" Sunggyu hummed.

"But really doc, how old are you? I think we can drop the honorifics now. I'll die in two months, I don't want to waste my time talking so formally." He chuckles, again. And again, Woohyun wonders how the hell could the other talk about dying so lightly, so easily, he decides to simply ignore the remark.

"Woohyun."

Sunggyu lifts his head, "Hm?" Woohyun smiles, "Call me Woohyun, then. And we’re actually the same age." Woohyun had found out from his patient's file. Sunggyu breaks out a smile, his eyes almost disappearing.

“Ahhh, Woohyun.”  
“Woohyun.” Sunggyu repeats, as if to make the name familiar on his lips.

“I like that." He speaks again and this time, Woohyun can't help it when his own eyes disappear into crescents, too.

"Sunggyu." Woohyun pauses a second. The name, without the honorifics, feels foreign on his lips. Sunggyu hummed, flicking at the lint on his shirt. "Do you mind playing something for me?" Woohyun asks again, eyes not leaving the instrument. "Sure. Keep your expectations low though." Sunggyu chuckles, as he bends over, fingers fumbling as he releases the cello from its containment. It's a dark shade of brown, somewhere in between russet and sepia, Woohyun can see the wood grain swirls and twists in a peculiar way, and it intrigues him in a way. He's never seen much less touched a cello before. He carefully watches as Sunggyu places his fingers on the strings, another hand holding the bow with grace; and Woohyun thinks about those couples that you know are meant to be together the moment you see them; that's how he feels about Sunggyu and his cello.

But then Sunggyu starts playing and Woohyun feels like everything cease to exist; except him, and Sunggyu- and the beautiful sound coming from the cello.

The melody that Sunggyu is playing is a sad one. Woohyun understands. He's dying. It's a beautiful word. Like the slow, long sigh of the cello Sunggyu is playing; dying. But the sound of it is the only beautiful thing about it, and he figures he should tell it to Sunggyu so, he does. “That’s beautiful, you know.” Sunggyu blushes, a content look washing over his face. Woohyun feels the weird twinge in his heart once again, but brushes it off as he exits the ward leaving Sunggyu to rest.

D-18  
Woohyun has been busy these past couple of days. He only has time to see Sunggyu for a short while, for lunch (of which Woohyun literally drags Sunggyu to eat with him, he’s not sure why he even bother because he never does), and to keep check of his vitals and make sure Sunggyu is taking his medication well. Sunggyu would talk and have Woohyun listen to him, as they eat their lunch. And every time, Sunggyu's eyes would light up automatically as he tells Woohyun about his adventures with Howon, the male nurse whom he keeps pestering (Howon had told Woohyun that he prepared death threats for the next time Sunggyu bothers him) and the 9-year-old kid from the ward next to Sunggyu's, Sungyeol, who keeps pestering him. Every so often his mouth would form a little pout or break into a hearty laugh as his hands move as if trying to reenact those stories; and Woohyun finds it almost endearing; Sunggyu. Therefore he laughs at every story (though he knows half of it from Howon's complaints and the other half from the female nurses gossiping and cooing at how cute Sungyeol is), just to keep the muse on Sunggyu's face.

Today, however, he has plenty of time on his hands. He's on leave; yet, he's back at the hospital, knocking on Sunggyu's door. He had went home at dusk after a crazy night shift, falling asleep as soon as his body hits his bed. He wakes up when it's almost noon, with stomach rumbling demanding it be fed. That was how he had ended up here, patiently waiting for Sunggyu to come out.

Sunggyu opens the door, looking a little confused. He eyes Woohyun, thinking he looks a little weird without his usual doctor’s coat on. “You look good in normal clothes.” Sunggyu tells him. Woohyun cuts in, “Too. I look good in normal clothes too.” Sunggyu chuckles, rolling his eyes but lets Woohyun in anyway.

“Get dressed. We’re going out.” Sunggyu tilts his head. “Why?” Woohyun pauses, “Because I feel like eating steak.” Sunggyu laughs. “Indeed, food is the best way to a man’s heart.” Woohyun grins, “Does that mean I’ve got your heart now?” Sunggyu shoves Woohyun hard before putting his coat on. “No, it means that I like steak.” He says, before walking out of the room, waiting for Woohyun to catch up with him.

As soon as they got in the car, Woohyun turns the radio on. And every so often, they’d fill the drive with light talks and playful banter. A song Woohyun has never heard of before starts playing and Sunggyu unconsciously hums the tune. The hum slowly turns into soft singing and Woohyun could’ve sworn that Sunggyu has the best voice he has ever heard so far. It reminds him of first heartbreaks and kisses that last forever. Of half-hearted reassurance and beautiful goodbyes. So, he listens quietly. He also might have purposely took the longer road just so he could listen to Sunggyu’s voice a little longer.

D-16  
They have lunch together in the hospital cafeteria, as usual, with Woohyun dragging the back of Sunggyu's collar. They talk again; this time, of how Sunggyu likes the snow and how Woohyun catches cold easily. Sunggyu promises Woohyun he'd protect him during winter so that he wouldn't get sick. Woohyun thinks of winter that's coming in less than a month, and silently hopes that Sunggyu could keep his promise. He smiles at Sunggyu's words, and Sunggyu smiles back at him. Woohyun can’t help but realize how warm Sunggyu is, despite the distant gaze he almost always has on (and it’s wrapping him, engulfing him, and Woohyun is not sure if it warms him up or suffocates him).

D-15  
The streets are busy and everyone seems to be rushing off with urgency except for Woohyun. It's eight in the morning, where everyone and every motion is with a purpose. Woohyun, however, leisurely walks in between the hectic, sipping on his morning coffee every so often. His gaze follows a florist carrying two pots of fresh blooming lilacs to put them in front of the shop for display. It reminds him of the fake sunflower put at the side of Sunggyu's bed, as default. He hated the fake sunflower; he doesn't really like yellow to start off with, and the overly-bright fake coloring simply puts him off even more. Without even realizing it, he steps into the florist.

Woohyun knocks once on the door before turning the knob and slip into Sunggyu's room. The elder is curled on the sofa, a book held firmly between his fingers. Sunggyu was so deeply engrossed in his reading that he hadn’t realize that Woohyun is there until he flashes the tulip he has in his hand in Sunggyu's face. "Woah, too close." Sunggyu sits up so that he can clearly see what Woohyun was holding. "Is that a tulip, Woohyun?" Sunggyu asks, confused. Woohyun chuckles, "It is. And now it's going to replace that fake sunflower." Woohyun removes the sunflower from its vase and fills the transparent vase with water before he puts in the tulip he bought, face looking a little too content.

Sunggyu stares from behind his book. “I didn’t take you as a tulip kind of person.” He says as he shuts the book close and walks towards Woohyun. He extends his hand to the crimson petals. “It used to be my mother’s favorite. She’d buy a new bouquet every week, replacing the old ones.” Woohyun listens. This is the first time Sunggyu mentions his family. “Used to?” Woohyun croaked. Sunggyu chuckles, “Yeah, used to.” And he smiles the saddest smile Woohyun has ever seen (and he thinks he can hear a faint beating of his own heart, Woohyun believes he doesn’t have one).

And they talk. About Sunggyu’s mother who died in a car crash when he was sixteen. About Sunggyu’s step father who sent him away to the States simply because Sunggyu reminded him too much of her. About how everyone kept leaving Sunggyu and how the world is gray to Woohyun.

Sunggyu didn’t cry.

D-14  
Woohyun comes running down the hallway, white coat flipping violently against the air as he makes his way to Sunggyu's ward. One of the nurses just told him that Sunggyu coughed out blood.

_This is not supposed to happen.._  
_The medicine is supposed to suppress the symptoms.._  
_Why isn't the medicine working.._

Woohyun can't get his thoughts in coherence or his head straight as he keeps bumping into almost every person in his way before he arrives in front of Sunggyu's room. He forces the door open as he pauses to catch his breath.

"Sunggyu." Woohyun eyes Sunggyu who's sitting on the edge of the bed, he walks closer. "Sunggyu, are you okay?" Woohyun asks, one finger lifting Sunggyu's head so their eyes meet. With trembling hands, Sunggyu slaps away Woohyun's hand. An insulting huff silently escapes under his breath, "Are you okay..." His voice trailed off as tears begin to pool in his eyes. "I'm dying, Woohyun! What do you expect me to say when you ask that?! That I'm okay? Are you just stupid or are you pretending not to know?" Woohyun is slightly taken aback by the sudden yell, but he stays. He tries to comfort Sunggyu, hand reaching Sunggyu's arm, but Sunggyu yanks him closer by the collar instead, sending deathly glares at Woohyun. "Don't touch me." Sunggyu then releases his grip, pushing Woohyun so hard that he falls to the floor.

Screams (all the frustration, all the pain, all the sorrows balled into one) fill the room before Sunggyu starts throwing everything within his reach across the room. A loud shatter deafens Woohyun's ears as he stares at the shattered vase, the tulip he had bought Sunggyu the other day lying motionless among the glass shards. Woohyun turns his gaze towards Sunggyu. He notices the scared eyes, he notices the pale lips, he notices the falling tears, he notices the trembling hands, he notices everything, and he understands. So he gets up and approaches Sunggyu, arms wrapping securely around the other.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." _For not being able to save you, I'm sorry._

Sunggyu trembles in his embrace, silent tears running down his face. His hand rubbing Sunggyu's back up and down following a slow rhythm. Sunggyu's sobs quiet down after a while and Woohyun is not sure when but Sunggyu had fallen asleep somewhere in between. He then gently lays Sunggyu on the bed, tucking the blanket properly. Woohyun pauses to take a look at him; there are tears still sticking on his eyelashes and Woohyun feels his heart clenching (he’s not even sure it’s there- but he feels it). Sunggyu might have less time than Woohyun had predicted.

D-13  
Woohyun doesn't see Sunggyu today. He felt as if he needed to give Sunggyu some time to himself after what happened yesterday. Still, he checks up on Sunggyu a few times, standing in front of Sunggyu's door aimlessly, not daring to bring himself to knock. For, Woohyun himself doesn't know how many times, he had lost count. But he comes again, and stands outside of Sunggyu's room. His back leans against the door as he listens to the melancholic tune which Sunggyu plays over and over again. He had been on his cello all day, and Woohyun hears the same melody every time he stops by.

Woohyun is not sure when and why, but somewhere along the way, in between cello strings and the tears threatening to fall, he had fallen for Sunggyu (not that he's amused by the fact at all). They say you could fall in love with anyone if you got to see the parts of them no one else gets to see; or maybe it’s just Sunggyu, Woohyun is not so sure. They also say you could fall in love with anyone if you got to see them at their most vulnerable; and when can a human be more vulnerable than when they're practically dying? Woohyun sighs, his shoulders drooped a little as he walks away.

(Woohyun thinks he knows where his heart is now, if he has one.)

D-12  
"What do you mean eyes shooting hearts?" Woohyun tries to muster the most intimidating look he can, just to find Howon not budging even a little. "Yeah, you do. Oh, you totally do. Your eyes go shooting hearts in random directions every time you look at Sunggyu." Howon laughed mockingly.

They are at the pantry, both sipping on coffee while taking a break in between hours of their morning shift. "I do not." Woohyun huffed as he throws his empty paper cup into the trash can, knowing he had lost. Woohyun was just about to leave when he feels a pair of arms pulling him into a tight hug from behind, the sudden force almost knocking the air out of him. "I knew I'd find you in here! I'm sorry." Woohyun turns around at the sound of Sunggyu's voice. The voice now reduces to a whisper, "For what I did the other day. I know I shouldn't have done that." Woohyun thinks he managed to catch the smirk on Howon's lips as he leaves the pantry, giving privacy to the both of them.

Later, they have lunch together, as usual. They talk about the time Woohyun had his first kiss when he was sixteen and how Sunggyu had a crush on the music teacher who taught him how to play cello when he was fourteen.

D-11  
Sunggyu works on the strings of his cello, a cheery tune breaks into the air. The patients who were on their evening walk starts gathering the moment Sunggyu begins stroking the strings with its bow. Sungyeol was the first to appear since he had been trailing behind Sunggyu the moment they walked out of Sunggyu’s room with the cello, chuckling as he dances to the music. Every time Sunggyu plays the cello, Woohyun could see the rush of emotions flaring up in him, it’s eloquent in a way. And Woohyun doesn’t think- he couldn’t. He notices there’s something so expressive in the sounds a cello can make; one moment it makes Woohyun feels like the world is collapsing on him and the next moment it reminds him of innocent dreams and unmade beds.

Some of the older patients later join in, swaying their hips lightly to the sweet melody. Smiles and laughter fill the air, like the perfect harmony to the beautiful melody, a giddy feeling climbs up Woohyun’s spine. He then notices a girl around Sungyeol’s age, blushing when she sees Woohyun looking her way. He remembers the girl, she got admitted last week for high fever, and is going to be discharged tomorrow. He walks up to her and gently asks her hand for a dance. The girl follows, hand clasping to Woohyun’s palm, smiling as she twirls. Woohyun plucks a flower and tucks it gently behind her ear. He chuckles lightly when he notices Sungyeol’s curious eyes in their direction. He spins the girl once again before passing her hand to Sungyeol to carry on with the dance.

It’s ironic, Woohyun thinks, how alive he feels when he’s with Sunggyu.

(Sunggyu, who’s dying.)

D-10  
Sunggyu waits patiently for lunch time to roll around. For Woohyun to barge into his room and drags him out to eat. But he didn’t come. So, he waits again. Howon comes in later with a food tray, telling Sunggyu to eat. He barely touches the food, only nibbling at the bread simply because he needs to take his medication. He waits for Woohyun again. After awhile, he dozed off, and when he wakes up he finds his ward still empty with no traces of Woohyun ever visiting him while he was asleep. Sunggyu feels alone, left out, forgotten. He doesn’t want Woohyun to forget him.

Another nurse comes in when it’s time for dinner, leaving the food tray on his table without saying a word to him. Something doesn’t feel right to Sunggyu. He needs to have Woohyun with him, he thinks he misses the doctor; his doctor. He misses Woohyun and not having Woohyun with him makes his mind think of all sorts of things, all sorts of bad things and Sunggyu suddenly feels scared. He’s scared of dying. No matter how long he had time to brace himself to face death, no matter how many times he convinced himself that it wouldn’t hurt; Sunggyu is still scared. Death is uncertain, no one knows anything about it for sure. And the lost, hopeless feelings are now drowning Sunggyu with its uncertainty.

D-9  
That night Woohyun comes in at 2am just to check on Sunggyu. He’s been busy with other patients all day and couldn't find time to see him. He pushes the door slowly trying to silence his steps as much as possible, afraid that he'll wake Sunggyu from his sleep. Instead, he finds Sunggyu a crying mess in bed, sobbing so hard with fingers clutching harshly at the shirt he's wearing. Woohyun feels his heart heavy. Without words, Woohyun climbs onto the bed and wraps his arm protectively around the small figure, trying hard to suck in all of Sunggyu's sorrows, all of Sunggyu's pain until nothing could hurt him anymore; not even an ounce of it left (even if it meant Woohyun ending up being the one having to swallow every bead of the agony). When the sobbing could no longer be heard, and Sunggyu is fast asleep, snoring lightly with dried tears on his cheeks flushed against Woohyun's shoulder, Woohyun can't stop his own tears from falling. They fall into inaudible sound; silent, like those still water that had reached the end of the river stream. He stays there until the sun rises the next morning.

From this day, Woohyun stops accepting new patients. For now, Sunggyu is his only concern.

D-8  
Woohyun begins making a list. "Sunggyu, what else do you want to do? We'll do it all." Sunggyu looks up with a confused face. "Do what?" Woohyun chuckles, "Anything, anything you feel like doing." Sunggyu's face scrunches up as he thinks. "Concert. I've always wanted to go to Nell's concert. Do you listen to them?" Woohyun nods, one of their hit songs coming to mind. “They do have some really good songs, yeah.” Sunggyu begins telling him more about Nell, his eyes lighting up as he talks. And the look on his face, of dreams and admiration, was too precious for Woohyun to ignore, so he puts his pen and paper down and tries to keep the muse on Sunggyu’s face for as long as he can drag.

D-7  
Woohyun couldn't risk bringing Sunggyu to the concert he had wished to go, people might push Sunggyu in the heat of the crowd or Woohyun could lose him sometime during the concert and he certainly didn't want both to happen. But Woohyun had something in mind to make up for the concert.

"Why aren't you telling me which band are we going to watch?" Sunggyu asks again as he threads his scarf around his neck. Slightest smirk plays at the corner of Woohyun's lips, "You'll see. Now, let's go."

The evening sky isn’t exactly gloomy, but it isn’t bright either. Streaks of saffron paint the sky as the sun sets itself on the horizon. Woohyun leads Sunggyu as they walk through the paved trail, past a water fountain. It's a small stage set up in the middle of the street. Tiny, yellow lightbulbs hang in contrast with the wine red backdrop. Small speakers are set at both sides of the stage. People had already started gathering as the members fix their mic and adjusts their instrument. Woohyun grabs Sunggyu’s hand and they squeeze in between the crowd to the front row. A fine jazz tune fills in and a cheer breaks. Sunggyu tightens his grip on Woohyun’s hand, turning to his side with eyes widened, “This is totally my kind of music!” Woohyun replies, in between guitar strums and the sweet vocal, “I knew you’d like it.” The crowd cheers once again at the end of the song, along with a few whistles before the melody from the second song emerges. An upbeat tune hypes the crowd, almost everyone started clapping to the beat. Sunggyu is clapping too, and he laughs when Woohyun looks at him.

Sunggyu smiles. Woohyun melts.

The mood is nice, with a lovely feeling to it, like the petals of cherry blossoms dancing as they descend from its tree. The sky darkens by the minute as they fade to black. The last song for the night kicks in. It’s sweet, the melody. Everyone is either clapping or dancing to the song. Sunggyu sways his head to the beat, eyelids tightly shut, with a small smile playing on his lips; that smile brings a smile to his own lips.

Sunggyu is beautiful; more than Woohyun knows how to describe, and it frustrates him.

 

D-6  
Today they decided to go to the sea. Woohyun had prepared everything they need and stuffed them at the back of his car before driving to the hospital to pick Sunggyu up. He even brought an extra scarf with him in case Sunggyu feels too cold.

“Are you ready?” Woohyun asks, as Sunggyu steps into the car. “Yes!” Sunggyu giggles and Woohyun thinks he can see stars residing in those eyes. The journey took them almost two hours before the sea starts coming into view. Woohyun watches as Sunggyu leans close to his side window, both hands on the glass as he stares outside. Woohyun chuckles, he loves how fascinated Sunggyu is. It is pretty, the scenery. Land of vastness, where everything is there and nothing is there, alternating between verdant meadows and the light colored beach sands. They settled on the beach, it’s far from the city. Cold and empty. Woohyun guesses no one would want to come to the beach considering how cold the weather has been lately. He unrolls a mat under them and begins unpacking the food he had prepared. “You made all this?” Sunggyu stares in disbelief. “I’m so ideal, I know.” Woohyun replied, earning a smack on his arm. He laughs, and Sunggyu laughs too before popping one of the egg rolls into his mouth.

Even long after they finished their lunch, they keep talking. About anything and everything. And somewhere in between, Woohyun had wrapped his scarf around Sunggyu’s neck, claiming that Sunggyu’s nose looked too red. He even have a blanket draped on Sunggyu’s shoulder. Losing track of time, the sun was almost setting.

Woohyun looks over to Sunggyu, eyes shining reflecting the small orange light coming from the sun. Funny. Sunset is when the sun is dying, Woohyun thinks. Sunsets, when the sun dies for awhile before reviving the next day. Sunggyu still has his eyes trained on the sunset, oblivious of Woohyun's fixed stare on him. "It's really beautiful, isn't it Woohyun?" Sunggyu turns his head to his left, wanting to see the other's reaction. However he quickly becomes flustered at the closeness of Woohyun's face against his. Woohyun hummed. "Beautiful." And with that, he closes the gap between them. Sunggyu's lips feels soft against his, automatically responding to the kiss. It was only for a split second before Sunggyu regains his sanity and pushes Woohyun away.

"Woohyun, we can't- you can't. I'm dying. I'm dying, Woohyun."

Woohyun can clearly see tears building up in Sunggyu's eyes. He traces his thumb following a line on Sunggyu's cheek to his jaw, gently rubbing circles on them. "I know." He whispers slowly, veins clenching around his heart. Leaning in one more time, Woohyun barely brushes his lips against Sunggyu's. This time, Sunggyu wraps his arms around Woohyun's neck; it is Sunggyu who deepens the kiss.

Crimson thunders slams into the wall of Woohyun's heart, plowing it up like gunfire. He can feel Sunggyu’s quivering lips against his, he notices his own fingers trembling. Slow but desperate. The kisses. Shed clothes got lost in between the breathless pants and in the sands. And much later, when they’re both slicked with sweat and flushed red, Woohyun thinks he can feel his heart doing so much; so many things he didn’t know a heart could do. That’s when he heard it. Sunggyu’s voice is soft, muffled, his face buried in Woohyun’s chest.

“I love you.” And he hugs Sunggyu tighter, pulling the thick blanket over them as he lulls Sunggyu to sleep.

(It hurts looking at Sunggyu; Woohyun thinks it’s got everything to do with love, love hurts. He is now convinced it’s there, his heart, it’s really there and it beats for Sunggyu.)

 

D-5  
They drive back to Seoul early in the morning. Woohyun enjoys teasing Sunggyu. He thinks it’s adorable how Sunggyu keeps avoiding his stare, how he blushes every time Woohyun comes a little too close. And Woohyun chuckles every time.

D-4  
Sunggyu coughs out blood again. The medicine won’t be strong enough to suppress certain symptoms anymore, Woohyun knows. He stays there the whole time, one hand rubbing on the small of Sunggyu’s back, another tightly clasped against Sunggyu’s trembling hands.

And later, they simply lay down on their sides, each facing the other. The hospital bed isn’t that big, but somewhat enough to fit the both of them, with their bodies flushed together. Sunggyu’s arm hang lazily over Woohyun’s waist. Traces. What Woohyun thinks he needs. So he maps Sunggyu’s face. His fingers trace over every slit and every curve, every nook of it. As if trying to imprint its shape into his fingertips. From his eyes to his nose to his lips and they hover. Woohyun leans in and Sunggyu sighs into the kiss. Sunggyu’s kiss makes Woohyun feel a little lightheaded. He tries to map it all out, trying to mark his touches with all of Sunggyu. They pull away with ragged breathing and Sunggyu smiles, gazing into his eyes. And Woohyun takes it all in, the lines and curves on Sunggyu’s face when he smiles, the shine in his eyes, the love they are emanating even the sound of his breathing.

He can feel the tug at his heartstrings; it’s wrenching and he can’t help but let a tear roll down his cheek. A hand reaches his face, wiping the tears away. Sunggyu tightens his grip on Woohyun’s waist and leaves pressed kisses on the temple of Woohyun’s head before he whispers, “I love you.” Woohyun clutches the front of Sunggyu’s shirt, pulling at the non-existent lint. “Say it again.” He needs to remember everything. He needs to. And Sunggyu repeats, and repeats until Woohyun falls asleep in his embrace.

(Sunggyu has to try so hard to not let his own tears fall.)

D-3  
Woohyun is fast asleep, they’re laying side by side on Sunggyu’s hospital bed. They went for a walk along the Han river today. It made Sunggyu tired, but his eyes simply wouldn’t close. So, he stares at Woohyun. His fingers brushing against the auburn fringe. Sunggyu didn’t think leaving someone would hurt him as much. He was too used to people leaving him that he thought it would be nice now that it’s his turn to leave. He thought he’d be happy that finally he was the one leaving.

But no, it hurts.

And with every passing day, it makes Sunggyu more and more reluctant to leave. He can’t leave Woohyun, he doesn’t want to. To think that he would be giving the same kind of pain to Woohyun when he leaves, Sunggyu succumbs to his tears. He leans in closer, and hugs Woohyun tighter, silently clutching at the hem of Woohyun’s shirt as he let the tears fall. Sunggyu thinks he can feel Woohyun’s arm around him tightening just before he falls asleep.

D-2  
"I don't really like stars." Sunggyu states somewhat blatantly. Woohyun looks up to the night sky, a few stars seem to be radiating, twinkling in contrast with the dark sky. He thinks stars are pretty. He looks over to Sunggyu with curious eyes, waiting for the other to continue. "But..." Sunggyu's voice dropped, as he tilts his head until he's facing Woohyun, "When the time comes, I want to be one of those stars. My grandmother once told me this, that whenever a person dies, he becomes a star that will watch over his loved ones." Sunggyu chuckles, "I used to tell her that it's ridiculous, how can a person turn into a star.." Woohyun unconsciously bites his lip, trying to fight back tears. It's inevitable, Woohyun knows. But knowing and accepting are two completely different things. "I might've understood it back then too, but now I think I have a purpose. I finally have someone I want to watch over, even after I die." Sunggyu smiled, eyes glistening. Woohyun is not sure if it's from tears or the moonlight shining down on them, he smiles back anyway.

D-1  
Woohyun notices Sunggyu’s lips getting paler, the circles under his eyes getting darker, and the frequent coughing. He notices it, and his heart hurts knowing there’s nothing he could do about it. So he kisses Sunggyu more, lets it linger, so he can remember the taste. He hugs him tighter, tries to absorb all of Sunggyu’s pain. The sound of the water tap being closed can be heard before Sunggyu steps out of the bathroom, with a towel draped over his shoulder and wet hair sticking to his forehead. He then approaches Woohyun on the sofa, and sits on his lap. Woohyun automatically wraps his arms around Sunggyu’s waist, pulling the latter closer to him as he inhales the smell of fresh soap and vanilla. “What do you want to do today?” Woohyun hummed. He pulls away, staring into Sunggyu’s eyes as he waits for a reply. “We don’t have to do anything, I feel tired. Maybe we can just lie down and watch movies?” Woohyun nods, “Movie sounds good to me.”

And later, Woohyun cried and Sunggyu had to come up with a number of (lame) jokes to make him stop. What Sunggyu did not know was that it wasn’t the movie that made Woohyun cry.

D-0  
They’re in a garden, Woohyun had brought Sunggyu here for a little picnic. The air is chilly, and the ground is covered with dead leaves; but it’s comfortable. Woohyun had brought a blanket for the both of them. They found a spot under a huge tree, Sunggyu has his head on the Woohyun’s lap and listens as Woohyun reads from the book aloud. Woohyun’s hands unconsciously playing at the caramel strands. But as he reads, the weather gets colder and colder, and worrying that it would be too cold for Sunggyu, Woohyun decided to go back to the hospital. He chuckles when he sees Sunggyu already sleeping so he proceeds to shake Sunggyu gently.

“Sunggyu, wake up.” He whispers.

“Sunggyu.” He tries again, Sunggyu doesn’t budge. Woohyun shakes harder, “Sunggyu, wake up. It’s getting too cold, we have to head back to the hospital.” Woohyun’s fingers are trembling slightly now. He notices the pale lips, he notices the still chest. “Sunggyu, you have to wake up.” Woohyun’s voice croaked slightly as he takes Sunggyu’s hands in between his palms, feeling for his pulse on his wrist.

Nothing. He tries again. Tears starts to fall.

“Sunggyu, wake up. You’re not supposed to leave me like this.” His voice trailed off. He lost his reason, he feels weak. He fishes his phone out of his pocket, fumbling as he did so because his vision is now blurred from the tears welling up in his eyes. He dials and waits for Howon to answer his call. “Hello? Woohyun?” Howon asked. “Howon.” He couldn’t speak up, Woohyun is at lost for words. He couldn’t think. He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to say, how he’s supposed to say it. “Sunggyu. He. I don’t know.” He can hear Howon getting impatient, “What is it, Woohyun? Speak up.” Woohyun sobs. “I think he just left me.” He drops the phone.

He sobs harder, his grip on Sunggyu’s hands tightens. “You’re not supposed to leave me like this. I love you.” He cradles Sunggyu in his arms. His pale skin contrasting against the crimson scarf that he has tucked around his neck. His lips are already turning blue. Woohyun’s hands trembles as he brushes Sunggyu’s hair off his face. He kisses the pale forehead, feeling the ice cold skin pressed against his lips. Howon arrives a few minutes later, driving them both back to the hospital to deal with Sunggyu’s dead body.

 

 

 

It was as if the time spent with Sunggyu went by the speed of the cherry blossoms cascading from its tree.

 

 

That was how Kim Sunggyu had said goodbye to the world.

(That was how Kim Sunggyu had left Nam Woohyun.)

 

 

Five years later, Woohyun makes the headlines of every newspaper, every tabloid. Every news channel covers on him, and almost everyone on the streets buzzes his name. Of how Dr. Nam had found the cure for cancer.

Woohyun smiles politely as he passes by a couple of familiar faces, but strangers to him, nevertheless. They had thrown him a celebration party; a grand one at that. The guests comes from those well-off families; the nation's best scientists and researchers, world's top health professionals, a number of the country's leaders, all in all, they're most likely the top 5% of the human population. Woohyun puts on a smile whenever a guest greets him, bows whenever necessary, and takes a sip of wine every now and then. He scans across the room- gentlemen in tuxedos, few have cigars in hand, while others have a glass of wine tucked between their fingers, so does Woohyun; and the ladies elegantly overdressed in either short dresses or floor-length gowns, chatting and laughing among themselves. Woohyun doesn't feel as if he belongs (these are not the faces he wanted to share his success with).

"Dr Nam!"

A voice called him out and two men then approach him. One with a lean frame, almost soft-looking; the other slightly shorter. "I'm Jang Dongwoo, a heart surgeon." He extends his hand and Woohyun catches it in handshake. "Nam Woohyun." He flashes a smile once again. "Well, the party is great. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to refill my glass." The surgeon says, gently patting the other man's shoulder as he walks away. "And I'm Lee Sungjong, a writer." Woohyun thinks his confused face might have given him away because the writer then continues, "I know you might be wondering what a writer is doing here, so let me be honest with you. I'd like to write a book about you, about how you managed to find the cure, the hardships you went through during the process, and your inspiration, a motivation that keeps you going. There has to be one, right?"

Woohyun smiles, "I believe there is, there has to, right? Well, it sounds interesting. I'll give a thought on it." Sungjong smiles even wider, "Thank you so much. Here's my card, you can contact me once you've decided." He hands Woohyun a card, and bows once again, before he walks to the counter where the surgeon had went to to refill his glass.

Through the transparent glass windows, Woohyun sees the full moon shining brightly. He quietly exits the room and finds himself at the balcony. Woohyun thinks the stars are brighter tonight compared to any other night. He finishes the wine to its last drop and carefully puts down the empty glass. "Sunggyu." His voice wavers, his gaze fixed onto the night sky (the stars, to be exact.)

"Kim Sunggyu, this is for you."

And Woohyun is sure he'll remember that name for a very, very long time, if not forever; as if every syllable of it is perfectly etched on the walls of his heart, like shadows pressed in monochrome projections, and their secrets buried underneath the inches of time.

(He remembers it all clearly.)

 

**Author's Note:**

> I like comments, so leave one!


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